With the demise of the free Napster music-swapping service, the United States can no longer be considered a free country. "It totally sucks, man, like, whatever happened to the Constitution?" asked longtime Napster user Josh Gannon, 16. "I've been on Napster a year now, and I'm telling you, getting all the music you want for free is like, the best thing that ever happened to this country. It's time for a revolution - are there any of those militias around I could join?"
When asked how the musicians who make the recordings would make their living, Gannon replied that they should all tour constantly "like Phish." The members of the band Phish, having broken up, were unavailable for comment.
When asked for an official response, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) president Hilary Rosen replied, "Na-na-na nah, na-na-na nah, hey hey hey, good-bye."