The Public Agency for Nervous Imperiled Citizens announced today that the sky is falling. Agency director C. Little reported "Measurements show that an average of one foot a week has been lost in the last month. People are advised to hoard oxygen and sunlight. An evacuation plan for the Rocky Mountain states is being developed. Tall people may wish to seek height reduction surgery."
Projections show that at the current rate of decline, the sky will touch the highest mountains in the world in approximately 14,000 years. "You can't be too careful", said Little.