The Justice Department and Hell have agreed to a settlement in their protracted antitrust suit, Hell CEO Satan announced at a press conference Friday. Hell had been accused of leveraging the market dominance of its Hate and Greed product lines to control the various applications of evil.
Under the agreement, Hell will provide details of the inner workings of Hate and Greed to rival evil entities, allowing them to more easily integrate their own applications. Al-Qaeda, Aryan Nations, and Microsoft Corporation have already begun negotiating new licenses.
"While the settlement goes further than we might have wanted," Satan said, "we believe that settling this case now is the right thing to do to help worldwide evil move forward. We recognize that the success of our products has created concerns. This settlement enables Hell to continue innovating and pushing evil forward."