In a follow-up to an earlier story (Hell affected by energy crisis), We're All Doomed has uncovered evidence that Satan has planted an agent in the Boston Red Sox organization to prevent any chance the team may precipitate a freeze.
An anonymous source revealed Satan feared that the injury-ridden yet over-achieving team was receiving Divine intervention in the person of manager Jimy Williams, and ordered the unnamed minion to arrange his removal. "The bullpen coach Cumberland, too," said the source, "he was working behind the scenes against us." Asked to name who in the organization was responsible, the source blanched and said "Hey, I'll have to work with him when he gets here. I can't take that glassy stare."
When asked about the continued risk of an eventual Cubs victory causing the much-feared freeze, the source replied "Don't worry, there's something special in store for them."