Political

Since the Northern Alliance rapidly overran most of Afghanistan last week, Afghan citizens have openly celebrated the Taliban's loss of control, shedding their burqas, shaving their beards, and playing music. Taliban officials have expressed amazement at their former subjects' lack of appreciation.

The FBI yesterday released a profile of the person suspected of sending anthrax-laden letters to several government and media organizations. Much to the investigators' surprise, the evidence suggests that this person is most likely a "pathetic loser".

At dawn this morning every Who in Whoville, the tall and the small, gathered around their town center, clasped hands, and began singing. The center had been left barren by the Grinch's sneak attack yesterday. The song echoed from the surrounding mountains, where the Grinch is believed to hide. It is suspected that the Grinch's intent was to crush the spirits of the villagers. Grinch expert William Who suggests, "We expect he felt very frustrated at the sound, as it started in low then started to grow."

                                                                             

The alarmed leaders of the Democratic Party held an emergency meeting in Washington, D.C. yesterday to discuss the continuing presidency of George W. Bush. "I can't believe he's still there!" says Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, "This is a complete disaster - if it keeps up much longer, people will forget what it's like to walk in the glorious sunshine of a Democratic administration."