AOL user Kathleen Fox has lost all her friends after forwarding an email hoax. "How was I to know?", she asked. "It sounded perfectly reasonable to me that Bill Gates would pay me for forwarding email about collecting pull tabs for Craig Shergold to help him pay his modem tax. It had two pages of forwarded headers on it, so it had to be true - I did what it said and forwarded it to everyone I knew. Now no one responds to my emails any more."

At Foxboro Stadium today, a pre-game tailgate party of Buddhists went out of control, temporarily leading to widespread awareness among innocent bystanders. A police spokesman reported that the group had been meditating in the parking lot "at least since 9 this morning", and by game time were heavily enlightened. "They just lost control," he said, "they smashed through the preoccupations of everyone around them, and brought understanding of the universality of suffering to half the lot."

At dawn this morning every Who in Whoville, the tall and the small, gathered around their town center, clasped hands, and began singing. The center had been left barren by the Grinch's sneak attack yesterday. The song echoed from the surrounding mountains, where the Grinch is believed to hide. It is suspected that the Grinch's intent was to crush the spirits of the villagers. Grinch expert William Who suggests, "We expect he felt very frustrated at the sound, as it started in low then started to grow."

                                                                             

A 5 year old hackberry tree at the home of Bruce Ringo was tragically cut down yesterday as neighbors stood by and watched. Ringo justified his action, saying “I just decided I didn’t want a hackberry tree. They’re ugly and everyone made fun of it. I want something pretty, like a dogwood.” In addition, several saplings of the hackberry are missing and presumed dead.

In a follow-up to an earlier story (Hell affected by energy crisis), We're All Doomed has uncovered evidence that Satan has planted an agent in the Boston Red Sox organization to prevent any chance the team may precipitate a freeze.

In a surprise visit from Above, Moses, David, and Saints Paul, Matthew, Mark and John descended on the United States Patent & Trademark Office. Insiders at the office said they seemed to be researching their options in preparation for a legal battle over the use of the name Bible.

Muffy Buttersmuffin, age 5, died tragically today after saving 7 family members from a house fire. "Muffy dragged me and my wife out of the house, then went back for the baby and our other 4 children," said owner Jack Smith. "But she returned to the house. We begged her not to go back in, but she seemed so determined." Muffy's body was later recovered from the house, her paws wrapped tightly around an automatic can opener. Firefighter Joe Brownfer theorized that had Muffy opposable thumbs, she might have been able to unplug the can opener and escape her fiery doom.

Regular We're All Doomed reader Jake Green submitted his own article to the popular humor website this week, only to have it rejected. Said editor Mike Ryan, "His premise that Hilary Clinton is really a giant man-eating squid, while imaginative, just didn't rise to the high level of satirical humor we have established here."

We have received reports of a three-alarm fire at your house. Crews on the scene report flames shooting out of the upper-story windows, and smoke blanketing the first floor. More details to follow...